He was an angel here on earth….
There is a space between
Knowing and not knowing
Having and not having
A space that feels infinite
Unkind and unfriendly
It is a challenge to solve a puzzle
When you are not allowed to have the pieces
All you can do is wait
For the uncertain
Whether good or bad
You could brace for the worst
At the price of suffering, knotted shoulders, clenching teeth
You could assume the best will happen
Run along merrily without a care in the world
I think we cannot fully commit to one or the other
It’s usually a combination of both
Because both are possible
Anything is possible
That is the thing to remember
When you’re waiting in that unsure place
What I call the space between
written December 3, 2011
My book of emerging
Is coming to an end
Belief in fairy tales is not derailed
I will soon ascend
The barriers laid along my path
In good time, each one I’ve broken
Not long now till I reach the end
And in my breathless voice, three words will be spoken
For this one moment, I have traveled through what only one can mend
Darkness of night on the meanest of streets
Unknown villains chasing after me
Mazes of burning desert sunlight
Pounding rain to the dead of winter
Raging fire and choking cinder
I’ve climbed mountains to find there is no top
Only endless heights to scale
I have followed maps that led me in circles
So many courses to no avail
My journey has taken me to madness and back again
Life has given and it has taken friends
These confrontations, not so arduous that I cannot win
The inevitable cannot be blocked forever
The destiny I have dreamed of cannot be never
The finish line is in my sight, and I will cross it soon
There I will find windy nights at the ocean’s edge
Gazing at the moon
No longer as the one who toiled
But as a peaceful two
Night is heavy all around me
But I am not ready to rest
My mind is active
But, my heart is at ease
I didn’t spend the day concentrating on the rear-view mirror
No tears today, just peace
Curiosity about what lies ahead
I closed a door, opened another
I welcomed myself to a new place
Your harm did not break me
You are not so powerful as you think
Whatever power you had, I gave you
It is mine once again
You will shrink back into the darkness now
As you were
I offered a helping hand
And you bit it
A scab is well formed now
I no longer feel the sting of your bite
There is no more care in my heart for you
All I needed was to see
You for what you really are
Clarity has brought me back to myself
I see silver clouds and streets of gold
My good heart is not for you to behold
The lesson was learned
And the bridge has been burned for the winter
Take interest in caring for yourself
The self-loathing artist is cliche
There is no ticket out for you that way
Unless you mean to forever leave this place
I say these things because my heart is not vengeful
That is not me
I only burn bridges
For the sake of peace
The day may be gray and wet
But I see rainbows and sunshine
I don’t even have to close my eyes
To see the blue skies
There has been a shift in the winds of life
What I have given
Is on its way back to me
All it took was to let go
All I had to do was to move on
Now I can learn a new song
Now I can sing
I can do anything
As I always could, but perhaps did know
I have a certain power
I have beauty, I have strength
I can, and have faced anything
I’m strong and will not break
I am a fighter
I am a lover
This is where life and I get to rediscover
Each other
The train has pulled into the station
And I’m getting on
Don’t wait, I’m not coming back
But, you’re welcome to come if you’re drawn
Just when you think you know how something is
It isn’t
When you begin to feel you understand
You don’t
At the moment you recognize good and evil
They swap roles
At the moment you are set to be set in your ways
They are unsettled
When you’re sure of what hate is
It becomes love
When you believe you have love
Maybe you really don’t
When something makes sense
Something makes it senseless
Up is down and down is up
Safety is unsafe
Confusion is clarity
Friends are enemies and enemies are our friends
God is listening and it seems he isn’t
Upside down is right side up
Take as much as you can
Be sure to give it all away
Nothing is right
Everything is as it should be
written November 13, 2011
I was driving tonight
Headed home from nowhere
For a short stretch in front of me
I saw street lights
I saw the palms that line the boulevard going west
In the distance,
The line between the lit street and the black of night
Seemed to merge
The darkness stretching out infinitely
Nothing but black night closer with every rotation of my wheels on the road
But, I wasn’t frightened
I was excited
Like a road to another reality had risen up before me
If I had faith, I could follow it
In complete darkness
A secret road that went out straight over the ocean
With only my headlights illuminating the way
I knew this road
A road no one else dare travel out of fear
I was not afraid because I knew
It would lead me straight to you
Playing your music
Exactly where I was meant to be
And so I drove on
Confidently
Before I knew,
The traffic lights and street lamps came back into view
Again I was in this real world, driving down an ordinary road
A road on which I can’t seem to find you
Troubadour serenade
Bedroom candles blazing
Dylan said tomorrow is a long time
You said I was so amazing
That a kiss wouldn’t ruin anything at all
I’ve been walking Dylan’s crooked highway ever since
And tonight I wandered his crooked path
And again, tomorrow is a long time
That emptiness between the future and the past
Silence seems to go on forever
Only I can hear my heart softly pounding
I am some one’s true love waiting
Tossed like a feather on the wind
I stare at blank pages and write nothing
My voice has gone quiet and I don’t sing
If you could tell me just one true thing
But this means nothing to you at all
Help me off this crooked highway
Don’t let me walk along this crooked path
Don’t let tomorrow be a long time
Say all is fine once again
Come and feel my heart softly pounding
Promise me we will make amends
Look me in my eyes and kiss me
I’ll believe all those words that you said
I won’t believe they were just words of passion
I will open my heart and my bed
Perhaps that is Dylan’s crooked highway
And again I’ll wander that crooked path
But then, tomorrow won’t be such a long time
I will open my heart with no regret
written November, 2011
We all have a time
When we wish we would have turned left
Where we made a right
Wish we could go back
And read the signs
Time is not a car
We can’t turn it around
Time can feel vast like an ocean
We fear we’ll drown
I’ve always aspired to be patience
But, I watch the clock and pray it will go faster
I wait for the sun to rise and reveal no disaster
Has ever taken place
Like it was just a bad dream
All hurts have been erased
But, I am not patience
I’ll stay awake all night
Waiting on the sunlight
More often than not
It reveals the world is not right
Because it went left
When it should have gone right
We need to learn to wait and breathe
Give to healing our precious time
Time is short
We cannot waste it
Know when to move on
When hope has faded
Know when to wait
For what is sacred
Filter out the noise
Until you can hear your own voice
That is the sign
There is always a choice
written 2004
I put my heart on the chopping block
Waited for the guillotine to drop
Each second is like a thousand years
Each moment I choked on forming tears
Then I remembered why I did not trust
Why I allowed myself to rust
And wondered if I had been better off alone
And unknown
It is uncomfortable to be exposed
To open a door then see it closed
Is it better to never open a door
Than to feel like a child kicked out of a candy store?
